M = for Mom

My Mom

May 28, 2008 - My mom went shopping, to the eye doctor and was getting ready to go to my sister, Terry's, house for dinner. I had called her to go shopping (so I could benefit from her senior citizens discount, she had said maybe later). My brother, Tony, was cutting her grass and she went outside to talk to him, it was about 6:30. As they were talking she said she didn't feel well and proceeded to fall down. Tony called 911 and then me and my sister. We all live next door so we were there almost immediately. As we waited for the ambulance we thought stroke and were just trying to keep her comfortable.

I was in the ambulance as we went to the hospital, she was communicating with the crew and paramedics. In the hospital she was following commands from the doctor and nurses. She knew where she was and they were telling her that she had a stroke, her speech was a little bit slurred but both arms and legs were equal, she held up the right hand and left on command. Then she told the doctor that her head hurt and almost immediately had a seizure. The doctor knew then that he was dealing with a serious aneurysm (experience I guess) and they wanted to put her on a respirator. I was standing right there and said absolutely notas did Terry, until they knew what was up. They ran with her to CAT scan and when they returned the prognosis was terminal. Now it was almost 8 PM, a life changed in an hour and a half. I cannot say enough about the the wonderful way we were treated both by the Hopewell Volunteer Ambulance Crew, the paramedics, and the emergency staff at Helene Fuld Hospital in Trenton. They put her on oxygen since she was breathing and gave her some medicine to calm down the seizures and keep her comfortable. The nurse asked if we wanted a priest and we said yes, they called the priest who had left our parish in December and he was there in less than 15 minutes.

At the same time, all 9 grandchildren were called and were nearby (surprising in itself) - all of them and their significant others showed up along with my mom's sister and brother... how did it happen that everyone was home at the same time is mind boggling to say the least. Anyway, Helene Fuld allowed all of us in the ER to attend Last Rites --- imagine a troupe of nearly 30 shell shocked people in a place where they are attending to other emergencies making room for us and not hurrying us at all. Father Dennis Apoldite stayed and talked and prayed with us, too.

The doctor said there were multiple aneurysms, blood would continue to fill the area and that the pressure on her brain would soon stop the heart and breathing. The decision was made to make her comfortable, by 4 AM it was decided to move her to a room (she was not following the normal course of events as the next three days would show, the doctor thought she would expire within an hour or two at the most).

By 5 she was in a room and my sister, brother in law and I were still there. In the morning a neurologist came in and confirmed the diagnosis, it was almost word for word that of the ER doctor. Her doctor came in a little later and said that he recommended hospice care since there was no hope. We agreed and the move was made later in the day (Thursday) to St. Francis Hospital Hospice.

The care she received there was so great, the nurses came every two hours to give her medication that would keep her comfortable, they did not give any needles but used a cream that they rubbed into her wrists, neck, or chest. Every time they did this they turned her, washed her face and combed her hair. Twice a shift they bathed and changed her gown, too.

The next two days turn into a blur, Terry and Jeff and I stayed, we washed up in the bathroom and shampooed under the faucet. Her grandchildren were there, we had tears and laughs, she was proud of her Polish heritage so polkas played in the background. Her friends had a chance to stop by and say good-bye. We discussed her life and had lots of laughs with her brother, sister and friends. Her sister-in-law, Linda, a nurse was our rock, she came and interpreted what was going on, she brought food, and magazines, we could not have made it without her. Terry and I discussed the plans with mom for the inevitable funeral and what we would do with her things.

Saturday, sheeesh its been three days, and she was hanging on. Her heart beat was finally under 12o (where it had been since Wed - what a strong heart). By mid afternoon there was a change and her fingers began to get blue, most of the family was there and calls went out to let those who were home know. We watched the space shuttle go up and told her to hitch a ride, before the TV coverage of the launch was over, mom was gone. Very peaceful.

Sunday, we go to the funeral home and make arrangements and the next few days are a blur there is so much to do, no wonder we have this custom for our dead, it makes it so there is no time for the living to think, we go on autopilot and have no time to feel sorry for ourselves.

Friends and family are wonderful, we are so thankful for the thoughts, cards, emails, flowers and fruits that we received. What a comfort.

Wednesday evening calling hours, we are overwhelmed by the crowds on a rainy night. There is a line all night long. Wow.

Thursday the funeral - after a short time at the funeral home we go to church and the priest is awesome, he quotes from Shakespeare, Schweitzer, movies and more. It is a very personal and moving service until he brings out the incense and sets off the smoke alarms. Not once or twice but three times! Knowing my mom, she would tell a joke and if you didn't laugh the first time, she would repeat it three times, we all knew she was there! The fire men and police could not have been scripted, she had the last laugh after all. We ended up assuring the priest that it was fine, it was Jean all the way, she had a sense of humor and it was just perfect. All of the grandchildren had a part in the service and were wonderful, too. Sr. Rosemary sang to perfection and when we came out of church it was a beautiful day, almost like signs from Heaven were all around us. Because of the delay with the alarms we came out at noon and all the town church bells were ringing.

Background, my mom used air horns at all the grand children's high school graduations from Hopewell Valley High - even though there were specific directions not to use them, she would bring one to each graduation and toot it. (8 of the 9 grandchildren have graduated from the same high school, the 9th is a junior there, too). Anyway, we found her cache of air horns in her pantry so we put one in the coffin and took one to the cemetery. Terry explained what she had done with the horns and the funeral director said that as everyone stepped up to place a flower on the coffin the horn would be there and feel free to toot. Everyone including the priest took him up on the offer, another fitting tribute that made a difficult time that much easier.

Afterward, we had people over to my house for lunch which lasted until 9:30 last night. Cousins came from Trenton, San Francisco, Chicago, Austin, Boston, Philadelphia and Morrisville. One, a musician played in Pittsburgh Wed night then drove straight to the funeral. We had a wonderful reunion, the first time we were all together since my grandmother's funeral in the early 80's. Plans were made to get together before the next funeral/wedding and lots of love was shared.

Mom, although we knew that someday this was coming, we didn't expect it this soon, but you did it with class, dignity, and fun. Thanks.

Jean A. Mokros

February 21, 1933 - May 31, 2008